Just a recipe on how to make lemonade ...

Hi! I am Elvi. I live, work and play in New York City. Initially I started this blog to share my experiences with the world about my breast cancer diagnosis and the chemotherapy afterwards, but now (knock knock on wood) I just write about my everyday life encounters. I believe, that every experience in life can be turned into a positive one, hence the title ... When life gives you lemons make lemonade! (And I've made lots of it already!)

Saturday, January 28, 2006

2 more to go and the 5% I'd rather be


Good news: 2 more and I am done, done done!

Bad news: I picked up some kind of informational leaflet at the doctor's office on Friday and re-realized that I belong to the 5% of women under 40 years of age who get breast cancer every year. You see I've always wanted to be special, but did not quite imagine it this way .. I was thinking more on the lines of belonging to the 5% richest, most beautiful or most talented women .. Oh well, we don't always get what we wish for ... or is this the vice versa situation gone wrong?

Anyway, being at the hospital I also realized how lucky I was getting "Harry" here and not in my home country, Slovakia. Sloan is truly a top institution, so if anywhere in the world, I am at the right place at the right time (probably for the first time in my life).

My experiences from home, where health care is sadly one of the most neglected and under-funded services are very gloomy - to say the least.

For those unfamiliar with the situation here is my experience of a doctor's visit at home:

You arrive 2 hours before the doctor's office opens in order to beat the crowd and wait patiently in a too cold or over heated corridor "waiting room" until the doctor arrives. The entire waiting crowd sights with relief when the uniform of the approaching nurse emerges. Now everyone jumps with excitement squeezing their health insurance cards in their hands and rehearsing their "speech" to follow:

"Good morning Ms. Nurse, I am a friend of your friends friend"
OR
"Joe (XYZ) said to say hello. I brought you this box of chocolates"
OR
"My aunt, Ms. Piggy called you the other day about my case".

The nurse then according to social status, rank of friends friend or plain like/dislike hands out numbers that look exactly same as the loosing raffle ticket found in your husband's tux jacket from the New Year's Eve ball a few years ago.

There are no appointments given or any kind of scheduling in most places; apparently no-one would ever show up their given time anyway, so why bother. However, if they do show up the doctor can never actually keep the order or time because there is always the before mentioned rank of importance of randomly showing up "friends" that moves "YOU" with number 1 to 13.

The last time I was at a doctor's office in Slovakia was at a gynocologist's office ...
One would think that all women here wear a skirt regardless of the weather conditions by the look of the waiting room, but one glimpse around and you realize that "all skirt women" sit only in front of this office and nowhere else ... Strange, huh?

Let the secret come out - it's because women here do not get gowns or sheets to cover up. "You" wear a skirt so that when hopping to THE chair you can easily lift up the skirt without completely humiliating yourself ... which by the way happens .. Especially if your doc decided to have a chit-chat with a visiting doctor about let's say the weather while you're waiting stretched out, legs up in the air.

This did not happen to me, however on an occasion I have been asked to give a full economic report on life in New York City, in particular how much I make and what I pay for rent ... while getting my private parts checked out ....

Whereas many doctors lack tact, the hospital itself lacks everything ... and I do not mean state of the art medical equipment, but basics ... like soap or towels or TP ( there isn't even the sand paper left-over kind from the Communist era! Aren't you grateful for the 3ply Charmin's bought in bulk from Costco looking at the picture above?) from the bathroom ... grrrrrrrr ....

When I complained (I've learned to speak up since moving to the U.S. :) I was told that "it does not make sense to put it there, it would be stolen in a minute" ... Mom just took her friend to the hospital this past weekend and could not believe that even the string to flush the toilet was from gauze ... It seems that even toilet flush string is a hot item these days.

If it's a regular check up you're ok (in theory) and can leave the office after gracefully thanking for the service, however if you need a follow up you better stack up some gratitude cash (otherwise called as "tip" or "bribe"). There is no tax added to the doctor's visit and therefore you can never possibly know how much, when or for what service to give?

My grandma's rate was 20 Crowns for the nurse and 100 for the doctor. No matter how sick gran was, she'd first make sure she had the necessary bills carefully piled up somewhere up her sleeve before we called for the ambulance. I do not know what the going rate is these days for a visit, but given the inflation rate I am sure it's way more than those 20 Crowns in 19eighty something.

As the finale to this article about the Slovak health care a quick story:
A friend of mine went to the doctor in order to get tested for HIV as a preventative measure. After stating his request, the doctor looked at him and said "Young man, instead of an HIV test, you need an aspirin in between your knees to keep you safe" ..... :)
(If you're one of those slow thinkers as myself, you may wonder why and then realize that if he keeps the aspirin tight he'll probably never be able to do the "act" :)

Therefore, if I was ever going to belong to the "other" 5% I would put the money where it needs to be ... health care .... and give the before-mentioned doctor loads of aspirin to hold tight forever not in between his knees but his crotch!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my 3rd treatment and I can not wait to write "2 more to go" as my next blog entry. You may think that it is a horrible experience (which it is), but the doctor's office visit is actually a pleasant one. It is the "side effects" (more like the "main" effects) that are not pleasant.

My oncologist, Dr. Mo may not have been the warmest person on the first visit, but the more I saw her, the more I grew to like her. She is a straight shooter and will not "rub honey around my mouth" (as the Czechs say) - she gives me facts, numbers and chances at life that I am so grateful for.

The other day I found a lump on my head (Since my diagnosis I find random lumps on random places by half a dozen daily).

"Dr. Mo, I think I have a lump under my beautiful wig"
(She looks at me behind her Lennon glasses with suspicion)

"Ok, let me look!"
(I am tearing Jennifer off and she is sticking her fingers underneath the broom top of my head. The kind of broom head that was combed and cared for in the morning, but there is only so much one can do ... )

"Yeap! You have a lump!"
(A much shorter answer than I had expected. She does not seem worried at all and I sort of feel that this conversation should have carried on, but she is done paying attention to this particular body part and moving on and adjusting the scale to check my weight ... )

"Dr, Mo?"

"Yeeeassss?"

"Can it stay there?"

".... I mean the lump ... "

"Yeap! It can! You lost two kilos .. that is not bad ...."

Conversation over ..

You see what I mean ? Not warm, but factual Doc Mo!

* * * *

Her nurse, Kristen is also a sweetheart; she looks away, smiles or gives advice when appropriate. She also answers my every single phone call as soon as she can and makes sense of all the little pills I have to take.

"Take two ADAVAN's in the morning ...."
"You mean the little green one?"
"I don't know what color they are"
"I don't know what they called ... "

We arrive at a communication gap ... It takes a while to translate color to name and vice versa and eventually we agree to study each others terminology for the next time

(I just remembered that someone once pointed out that I refer to the New York subway lines also by color while the rest of the world uses numbers ... Hmmmm .. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my favorite color is the rainbow? )

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Summary

Summary of things I did/I had/I wished for since my last treatment:

Stayed in bed feeling like poopoo 5 (days)

Attempted to enjoy myself while going to a restaurant 1x
(Rushed home and went to bed feeling sick after consuming my French onion soup while gawking at a plate of an anorexic girl and watching what she eats ... terrible right? )

Cancelled various plans 3-4 x
(I am the worse person to make plans with these days ... )

Did not pick up the phone because I was feeling hmm .. sick? 100 x

Wished I had long hair cca. 50 x
(We are saving more money on hair gel, shaving cream, razors and highlights than ever before ... )

Wanted to stick my tongue out and tell them to get lost when someone complimented on my "new" blond hairdo 2 x
(A lady from the opposite deli and another one from the office building .. I thanked them instead and squeezed out a lemonie smile from my face ... )

Proved myself that I can actually cook a meal 2x
(Vegetarian curry and toasted eggplant ... impressive, huh? :)

Pairs of socks I could not find after washing all our clothes 2x
(Ever wonder where they go? Me too!)

Spied on neighbors with binoculars 1x
(Only because it was still on the side table after Mike and Geoff observed a half naked woman from the opposite building the other day .. purely for educational purpose, of course .. )

Tried to do "expert" Sudoku, but could not finish 5x
(Hey friend with the "old lady name" :) ... I'll never be as good as you I guess .. but then again I'll never be a lawyer or a policewoman either :p)

Hospital visits 2x, needles 2x, eye infection 1x

Wished this thing was over MILLION x ...........

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

One rotten apple spoils a dozen


The day has arrived! It's been exactly 4 years and some change since I've been longing for this day!

If the saying "One bad apple spoils a dozen" is true, then we've been having barrels of rotting fruit every season since her arrival.

The smell was so revolting at times that my friend Erin gave her a new name by attaching four very meaningful letters to its base "be ay tee cee heych" and an A to the end.

I was blindsighted at first.
Having had the experience of living in New York City at this stage I took the newcomer under my friendly wings and introduced her to the big apple (the unspoiled, red one) full of excitement, dancing, bars/cafes, restaurants and pals. Our friendship blossomed. For at least two months!

I did not know that behind the part-time smiles there was a hidden dark side.

Things started going wrong somewhere along the line - I suspect, the first time was when her lover gave her "the speech" that she became the wicked witch.

Since this time, the 9 am morning pleasant "Hello" or "Ahoy" was replaced by a bang of the door, not even a grimace towards my person. Every one of her movements was followed by a noise, a whack of a staple on the table, a crash of the chair to the wall or the forceful pounding of the keyboard.

Walking every morning to the office from the subway I'd play the guessing game ...
"Is this her good day?"
"Is she happy today?"
"Did the sun smile into her window?"
"Did she find her matching socks?"
"Did her current lover satisfy her ego?"

If the answer was YES - I'd get my "Hello"
Should the answer be a NO, I'd have a choice of trying to make her mood right by kissing some un-royal butt or "simply" digesting the "mood of the day" and pretend that this was all OK.

These situations repeated many times with boyfriends coming and going - at times after a fist fight and various other good-byes.

When our confrontation time came she'd scream
"You abuse my friendship" ... (Aaaaha! Yeaaaah!)
"From now on you'll call me, like you should, a Ms.!"
(What a punishment!)

For those that wonder about the difference - I'd say it's almost as if your mom told you tomorrow "Don't call me mom anymore, just Mrs. Smith".

And so we battled for long until I gave up and refused to wait for the "Hello" or "Ahoy" and simply, but sadly ignored her presence and moved on to becoming friends with people with essence.

Hooray!~
Today, she is gone ... my other co-workers?
It's a sunny day with matching socks and assumingly fully fed EGOs!

Monday, January 16, 2006

ME


www.jiriturek.com


Hopefully these are once in a lifetime shots ... Photographed by Jiri Turek

Sunday, January 15, 2006

3 more to go!!!

Saruuba and Moi ... once again ...
* * * * *

Light at the end of the tunnel!

Only 3 more of these yaayks injections and I'll be done! The new "stuff" I am getting is called Taxol and it takes almost 4 hours to go down!! That is 4 hours sleeping in my little cubicle while my consultant boyfriend/fiancee does his tables and spreadsheets on his laptop.

We waited ever so patiently in the waiting room for the chemo to start, however our peaceful time was disturbed by a lady sitting just across ...
Weeeeoooooo
weeeeoooo
weeeooooo
sounded the alarm ....

I was ready to evacuate the building before noticing that the ear deafening, obnoxious, loud noise was "this" lady's cell phone - VOLUME 7 and not a fire drill.

Geoff's face expression met mine .... we're on a same wavelength ...
Should she start up a loud conversation, we'll move on ...

Oh no lady, you didn't just start telling one of your friends how your week was ...


Quick math ...

It's Friday today, you're just describing what you had for breakfast on Monday morning and it's taking you what seems like eternity to all of us "listeners" ...

I poke Geoff's side and asses our cumulative tolerance level ... OK, we'll stay ...

........ Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuesday ......... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeednesday ..........

I exchange an alarming nod of understanding with the couple opposite - they are also ready to go, but not ready for a conflict, and so we listen to her annoying noises and stories about cooking, bosses, co-workers, the holidays and nieces ...

Suddenly the lady next to us stands up, walks over towards "this" other blond Jennifer (With a much shorter haircut and may I be impolite and say ... sitting on an ugly head?)

"Lady, please keep your conversation down, because you are bothering all of us!"

Jennifer II jumps and shrieks "Why didn't you tell me? " "Why are you telling me now?" "You should have told me!" ....

"Well, I am telling you now!"

"And why is nobody else complaining?"

Jennifer II's famous last words caught the ears of another 6 people around and we all ganged up! ...

"I am not a mind reader ... I didn't know ... Why didn't you tell me .... "
(Apparently JenII never gives up ... )

The staff also arrives ... Her treatment is ready in seconds, she leaves, we're satisfied!

I check my cell phone - no signal ... Geoff looks at me ... we roll eyes simultaneously and burst to laugh!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Girlfriends do have fights


(it's not me on the picture .. just an illustration ;)

* * * * *
Jennifer is getting on my nerves!

Why?

Well, she is selfish, hysterical and messy! And did I mention itchy?

Our friendship started off great, but since then it's been down the hill ...
Remember how excited I was about my pink bag?
Not anymoooorreeeee ...

Even though she is loyal and never actually fell off my head (thanks to the tape I secure to the top of my Gorbatchov patch) she gets crazy messy, especially at the back.
Sometimes I reach to my neck and my fingers get entwined in web of what feels like dental floss. A neglected Barbie doll has better chances of having her hair combed than Jen at this stage.

Other times I manage to forget that I have her (or she has me?) and when I come home and take off my jacket I also tear her off my head ... oh, I forget - she is NOT a hat!

So, here I am in a bathroom with a croche hook and 50 different combs and brushes trying to straighten some fake hair on a fake head stand for real life use.

The fight is not an easy one despite my executioner tactics of using scissors by the time my nerves give in.

There!

I cut her, croched her, "thinned" (thinned = viscously ripped out a bunch) and virtually raped her by the time I can easily dig the comb inside the blond locks and pull through. Is this what you call a catfight?

No, she is psyched!

Every single one of her plastic strands stands up and is charged with excitement (220 volts of electricity) - not the most fashionable hairdo these days and so nothing helps ... I give up ...

Godmother Gwen was right: She needs maintenance!
Like all friends do!

Being apart makes the heart grow fonder.
Please, let it be my case during the soon upcoming Jenless two days!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Ice Cream SUNDAY

The photo you've been waiting for :)
Elvi and Saurabh and ChemoGuy
Vanilla and Chocolate and Mint

Brunch


I am back! First day after what seems like 5 years of my life and I have the enthusiasms to write and to LIVE.

Under normal circumstances I'd be the person "preaching" to you about the beauty of life and giving you all kinds of "heard before advice" like ...

Bad times have to be part of life, otherwise we would not appreciate the good times ...

Time will heal everything ....

Look at the bright side ....

Find the positive in every negative ...

Make lemonade! :)

That is under "normal" circumstances ... this chemo, however is not normal by any means and the F&**&er started to take it's toll on my emotional state ...

Forget nausea, chemobrain, mouth sores, sore throat and "other" digestive tract problems ...

* * * * * * *

Noa, Almog and I went for a brunch today to the Vinegar Factory. This was one of my biggest trips in weeks (5 blocks from home!)

Almog ordered salmon, Noa and I both picked the "Eggs Florentine" consisting of two poached eggs, spinach and some creamy sauce ...

"Yumm yumm" Noa chewed happily enjoying the meal while Almog stacked salmon and capers on her seven grain bread.

"I love salmon ... hmmmm ... Almog exclaimed"

"I've never ordered this before, but I really like it" Noa said.

I on the other hand was quiet, but busy relocating a bunch of spinach from right side of the plate to the left and back, poking at the eggs, cutting them half, then quarter and watching the yolk ooze out to the green bed spilling all over ...
... Then I started carefully directing food traffic towards my mouth.

"Chuuu chuuuu" one little spoo-ooo-OOOn (or a fooorrrooork .. ) and another one lalalaaa ... before I disappear from my size 2 jeans and shrink to Stewart Little or need to shop for myself at the GAP Kids ...

"How is your meal Elvi?"

Oh the food?!
The texture is great, the color is vibrant and it's nice and warm! Thanks!

I can not taste a thing ...

* * * * *

Yeah my life ...

* * * * *
I am not sure Eggs Florentine has a smell ...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Half way DONE!

Thank you guys for the comments! I will write, but I just don't feel very well yet .. Be back soon!