Cosmetics .. Who wants a gift?

<------ My Gift from Burt
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My recent wonderings on the internet led to a website that lists all the chemicals in cosmetics that I (we, you, me, they, your friend, your neighbor and his lover too) use daily.

I checked the products that I beautify my skin with and was shocked!

There are three categories listed that signify low, medium or high danger of use. It only took a few minutes to realize, that most of the cosmetic products I use have a blinding red spot next to it "HIGH CONCERN IN PRODUCT TYPE" ... Just by looking at the data in front of me, I could hear a siren going weeeeuuu weeeeuuuu in my head, a robotic voice calling out "D-A-N-G-E-R" "D-A-N-G-E-R" in RED and happy cancer cells growing and dividing in my body, feeding off that wonderfully packaged cream by Nivea Visage called "Glowing".
(At the end I'll find out that Harry is gay ... what other men would use this crap anyway (or any facial dream for that matter)?)

These creams and stuff all look so innocent and so beautifully packaged - promising flawless and glowing skin, snowhite teeth, finger nails that never break, gorgeous and thick hair and what about that deodorant that will stop you sweat?

I've been using products for as long as I remember, yet I still get zits (so much for glowing skin), my teeth just barely pass the white mark (so much for the extra whitening effect), my nails do break all the time (Isn't that a normal thing? Would I really want cement as my nails? How would I bite them then? ), my hair (from what I recall) was never thicker than Chinese silk (so much for thickening) and sweating?

Oh please ... there is no such thing as a deodorant that's going to stop you from perspiration in New York heat (cold)! The only anti-perspiratory thing that works is the removal of your lymph nodes - an advantage for those with breast cancer! I only sweat from one armpit!
(WARNING: Don't try to remove them at home!)

Getting so alarmed by the findings, I immediately sent a chain letter (not the kind that your cat will run away if you don't send it to 5 people within 10 minutes, or send it back to me otherwise you're not a friend - thanks for not clogging my hotmail!) but more like "Shit! do you know what you've been treating your nails, hair and skin with?”

Now, I feel a bit stupid for doing it, as most likely some of my recipients just rolled their eyes and thought I went Craaazzzyyy (Which of course is partially true - depends how you look at it .) Chain letters seem much more valuable anyway, when sent by a non-existent Dr. Whoever.

If I had received a similar e-mail just a year ago, I'd probably just say "Well, I have to die of something, right? I can't control every single chemical that enters my body, so why bother?" and subsequently press the delete button ... But the situation has changed drastically and instead of pressing the corner X on the screen, guess what I did?

I went to my bathroom cabinet, brought a nice wide plastic bag and cleared out almost its' entire content (Yes love, even those mini soaps and lotion that you collect every week from your hotel rooms! You know, the ones that we have about 500 of them all over, the ones that drive me CRAZY!) ... My reasoning is as follows:I really do not care if I use Nivea Visage or L'Oreal or Revlon on my face - it's the results that should matter! (What results?)

And so in my newly found "go green" attitude I surfed the web for organic products.

$100 later, I was content with my decision and full of expectations to receive the package from Burt's Bees company, that makes cosmetics organic!

I received the package and I am now a proud owner of the following items: carrot night cream, avocado and lemon facial scrub with poppy seeds, lavender and mint toothpaste, cow's milk and honey body lotion, strawberry lip gloss and mint facial mask.
Did you notice some sort of pattern in the names? ... I did also! ..

I now smell delightfully like a fruit and vegetable stand or a Spring market!

I really don't care! I'd rather crack an egg on my head and slice cucumbers over my eye lids than ever wonder again if I fed my left-over cancer cells or killed them! "You guys" will all die one-by-one from not getting your dose of mercury, petroleum distillates, dibutylphthalate and the rest! You get organic eggs instead!

Geoff already banned me from using the carrot night cream when he shares the bed - he claims that he has an allergic reaction to it (so much for Geoff :) ...

Burt's Bees also promised to send me a gift after spending so much dinero ... I got it! A Bonus Gift!!!

A hair comb and a shower cap with bees on it!!!!! It is only with my luck that I get a present which is officially at this stage of my life, with 1 cm hair THE MOST USELESS item in this house!!!!!

Thanks Burt!!!

What's the company's policy on re-gifting?