My horror week ...

"Aka matka taka Katka"
or
"Like mother, like daughter"
or
"We don't look anything alike :) "

Last Christmas in New York ....

This week seems like half my life was filmed on the Harry Potter set and the other part on the ER.

Monday, I lasted half a day at work before nausea took over my desire to decorate the Christmas tree at work and so stumbling home I just about made it to bed, where I remained till midnight with mom by my bedside.

Tuesday, the tree got decorated but that is about all what happened because my urges towards THE bed and my body's stubbornness not to stick out a single normal day won over all my will-power and so after a struggle between the chemistry, feelings and responsibility I crawled home to THE bed calling my name and spent about million productive hours by sleeping and sleeping some more. If you add all the time spent sleeping I may be the modern Sleeping Beauty (well, less of a beauty with my bald head and more just a sleeping egghead).

But how can I say this? My Prince arrived from TEJAAAS yesterday and I told him, I apologized for being so ugly-fugly and sooo sorry ... He smiled, asked me for a dance, but I rejected. He then picked up lifeless Jennifer from the floor and said "May I have this dance?". They swirled and leaned back and forth to some sort of polka and salsa mix as I dictated to the Prince charming and the wig. As the music however ended I got the kiss.

Wednesday I was looking forward to meeting my buddy - Doc. Lu, the psychiatrist and telling her over and over again how pissed off I am that this is happening to me and not to some serial killer who is sitting in jail for suffocating their babies. I was also going to tell her how annoyed I am at people who decided to ignore me since this diagnosis ... They must be assuming that sneezing causes breat cancer, right? ..... or Is breast cancer like leprosy???
"You'll touch me and you DIEEEE!!! Boooooboooboooo :)"
Well, I was going to ask doc. Lu about the process of acquiring EQ (emotional intelligence) needed to react to my situation (A simple "Elvi, how are you? without that deadly tone in your voice will be fine and if you say "I know it's hard. I'll be thinking about you " I'll take it as just a bonus (even if it's a white lie - it feels good! , also not expected, but quite nice ... )

Another thing on my mind was the question why some people that I wasn't even that close to care more than people that I thought were closer?
My judgment of who I know and who I KNOW must be really off ...

So here we come to PCE (POSITIVE CANCER EXPERIENCE )# 7 ?
I keep forgetting ...
You learn who your real friends are and make a list of those that should hear "YOU'RE FIRED! (Please forgive me Mr. Trump for stealing your favorite, pattented quote!)

With all these plans and pre-repeated scenarios I woke up on Wednesday to the worse nausea yet and just watched pre-Christmas world go by 56th Street until my body started shivering and worked itself up to a burning fever. Despite of the sauna in the room I was trembling under the layers of five blankets and had hardly life in me to make a phone call. The consultation with doctors lead to a taxi drive to the hospital with mom and Noa, who ended celebrating her 30th birthday by my bedside with a bag of peanut M&M's at the ER until 9:30 pm.

I am comforted now. Mom - the only cancer I knew my entire life "A person who tends to overprotect what is theirs" is looking after me . .. and I am hers and she is mine and we are ours with all our good and bad habits as a daughter-child drive each other crazy living this symbiosis.

Mom is doing just what caring, loving mommas do - she cooks, cleans, measures temperature every 5 seconds by placing her hand over my forehead (highly annoying after the 50th time), checks while I am asleep if my chest is rising, tells me to eat more and more and more and wear five hats for cold.
She waters the starving plants and now and then makes comments like "These flowers will never live, once I leave" in Hungarian.

And voila! It's the weekend! Will get to decorate our Christmas tree and I am hoping that my mood will rise and the atmosphere of all around prevails!