Quick diagnostic method - no med school required!

Doc Leontievic (He is so Russian that I just had to make this name up :) was running late as always. He is a neurologist whom I visited just after my BC news. As soon as you realize that something is really wrong with you, you start watching your body .. ohhhh aaah my little toe hurts (must be cancer), I see blur (cancer Harry went to my brain), my nail broke (I am dying) ... suddenly it becomes so easy to diagnose yourself with any disease you wonder what doctors are doing during their 10 years of school and residence - especially because all the symptoms only lead to one - well maybe two things - cancer or in my case MS ....

I swear I had all symptoms even before I started reading Lance Armstrong's book about his struggle with cancer. Once I read the first three chapters I felt my testicles hurting and decided that perhaps I should just skip the next 20 chapters and for my own benefit read only the last two. ... Or the last sentence ...."Now I am married, have three kids, won x amount of races , half the world is marked by my ugly yellow bracelets and I managed to get divorced and will re-marry even with one testicle "

The way to diagnose yourself is easy.
This is how you do it:
- find a symptom
- look up WebMD.com
- type your symptom into the search category and you are bound to find some incurable and deadly disease that will haunt you day and night! If it's not incurable you are asked to seek medical attention "IMMEDIATELY!". Let's say you typed in "fever" today ... you know what you'd get? "Bird flu" (The site seems to be updated daily!)

The MRI came back clear;
"Elviiiraaa, would you be very disapointed if I told you that there is no chance that you have MS?"
"Well, Doc. Leontievic, I think I could live with that :)"
"Dosvidania"

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Walking down memory lane I took the subway again! I entered the smelly world of human zoo, where urine mixes with sweat. Not having a current metro card I carefully estimated the fastest line in front of the four machines - one was not working and so I stood patiently in front of the one I picked (as usually ) the wrong one - this did not take bills and so I moved to the right - just to find myself at the end of the line again.
The situation here was not easier - a man was trying to force his dollar bill into the card slot. What an unbearable site! I stood up closer pulled the bill from his hand, which he hesitantly let go off and showed him the invention of the century. Why do I always get stuck behind people who never used a vending machine in their lives?

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