2 more to go and the 5% I'd rather be

Good news: 2 more and I am done, done done!

Bad news: I picked up some kind of informational leaflet at the doctor's office on Friday and re-realized that I belong to the 5% of women under 40 years of age who get breast cancer every year. You see I've always wanted to be special, but did not quite imagine it this way .. I was thinking more on the lines of belonging to the 5% richest, most beautiful or most talented women .. Oh well, we don't always get what we wish for ... or is this the vice versa situation gone wrong?

Anyway, being at the hospital I also realized how lucky I was getting "Harry" here and not in my home country, Slovakia. Sloan is truly a top institution, so if anywhere in the world, I am at the right place at the right time (probably for the first time in my life).

My experiences from home, where health care is sadly one of the most neglected and under-funded services are very gloomy - to say the least.

For those unfamiliar with the situation here is my experience of a doctor's visit at home:

You arrive 2 hours before the doctor's office opens in order to beat the crowd and wait patiently in a too cold or over heated corridor "waiting room" until the doctor arrives. The entire waiting crowd sights with relief when the uniform of the approaching nurse emerges. Now everyone jumps with excitement squeezing their health insurance cards in their hands and rehearsing their "speech" to follow:

"Good morning Ms. Nurse, I am a friend of your friends friend"
OR
"Joe (XYZ) said to say hello. I brought you this box of chocolates"
OR
"My aunt, Ms. Piggy called you the other day about my case".

The nurse then according to social status, rank of friends friend or plain like/dislike hands out numbers that look exactly same as the loosing raffle ticket found in your husband's tux jacket from the New Year's Eve ball a few years ago.

There are no appointments given or any kind of scheduling in most places; apparently no-one would ever show up their given time anyway, so why bother. However, if they do show up the doctor can never actually keep the order or time because there is always the before mentioned rank of importance of randomly showing up "friends" that moves "YOU" with number 1 to 13.

The last time I was at a doctor's office in Slovakia was at a gynocologist's office ...
One would think that all women here wear a skirt regardless of the weather conditions by the look of the waiting room, but one glimpse around and you realize that "all skirt women" sit only in front of this office and nowhere else ... Strange, huh?

Let the secret come out - it's because women here do not get gowns or sheets to cover up. "You" wear a skirt so that when hopping to THE chair you can easily lift up the skirt without completely humiliating yourself ... which by the way happens .. Especially if your doc decided to have a chit-chat with a visiting doctor about let's say the weather while you're waiting stretched out, legs up in the air.

This did not happen to me, however on an occasion I have been asked to give a full economic report on life in New York City, in particular how much I make and what I pay for rent ... while getting my private parts checked out ....

Whereas many doctors lack tact, the hospital itself lacks everything ... and I do not mean state of the art medical equipment, but basics ... like soap or towels or TP ( there isn't even the sand paper left-over kind from the Communist era! Aren't you grateful for the 3ply Charmin's bought in bulk from Costco looking at the picture above?) from the bathroom ... grrrrrrrr ....

When I complained (I've learned to speak up since moving to the U.S. :) I was told that "it does not make sense to put it there, it would be stolen in a minute" ... Mom just took her friend to the hospital this past weekend and could not believe that even the string to flush the toilet was from gauze ... It seems that even toilet flush string is a hot item these days.

If it's a regular check up you're ok (in theory) and can leave the office after gracefully thanking for the service, however if you need a follow up you better stack up some gratitude cash (otherwise called as "tip" or "bribe"). There is no tax added to the doctor's visit and therefore you can never possibly know how much, when or for what service to give?

My grandma's rate was 20 Crowns for the nurse and 100 for the doctor. No matter how sick gran was, she'd first make sure she had the necessary bills carefully piled up somewhere up her sleeve before we called for the ambulance. I do not know what the going rate is these days for a visit, but given the inflation rate I am sure it's way more than those 20 Crowns in 19eighty something.

As the finale to this article about the Slovak health care a quick story:
A friend of mine went to the doctor in order to get tested for HIV as a preventative measure. After stating his request, the doctor looked at him and said "Young man, instead of an HIV test, you need an aspirin in between your knees to keep you safe" ..... :)
(If you're one of those slow thinkers as myself, you may wonder why and then realize that if he keeps the aspirin tight he'll probably never be able to do the "act" :)

Therefore, if I was ever going to belong to the "other" 5% I would put the money where it needs to be ... health care .... and give the before-mentioned doctor loads of aspirin to hold tight forever not in between his knees but his crotch!