Going to sleep ...

I watched as the swirl of water caught the bits and pieces of mushrooms covered in cheese sauce as it spiraled down the opening of the toilet. I struggled to the kitchen to wash the the greasy dishes (an activity that I can absolutely live without forever).

It was already 1:30 AM .. uff .. Geoff would have been upset with me going to bed this late, but time somehow flies when I am feeling OK.

Switch the heating off in the bedroom, lights off, get a glass of water, switch the radio on - not too quiet and not too loud just so I can barely hear some voice in the distance. I was going through the list of pre-bed activities without which I'd be tossing and turning until I'd fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later thirsty, realizing that the radio is not playing. I need to sleep with the radio on since 9/11. If by any chance I do wake up in the middle of the night the voice will serve as a reassurance that I am alive!

I got it all ... I jump into the fresh sheets just from the laundry day on Sunday and try to fall asleep, but my mind is somewhere else ... planning the next day. I try meditation, count sheep and I get to 15, but need to start all over again, because once again my mind has a life of its own and won't settle according to my will ....

I fall asleep ... or maybe not, I am not sleeping, yet I am not "up" ... I have a a sort of feeling ...
I know this place, I've been here before .. I smell lemons ... see yellow liquid ... I've had this dream before!

I am making lemonade!!! Lots of it! It is DE JA VU! ....

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Not a glamorous way to start my newest blog entry I know, but this is exactly how my attempt to make myself a wonderful dinner ended. Sorry I've been MIA ... I was feeling much better since my last depressing entry .... 1 more to go! February 24th I graduate from Chemo Academy!!! Cross your fingers that it'll be forever!!!