Field Day at the Social Security Office

Some days are good, others are not so good and others are damn right frustrating .. .
(Quote of the day)

Being a government employee myself I do not hold high expectations from these or similar institutions. I know all too well both sides of the story - in front of the window and behind the window.

As a clerk behind the window you hate the looks of the customers who stare at your every single movement, watch you breath in and out and hate you for the 3 minutes pee break when you can't hold it any longer ... Either way you look at it - the Behind the Window Person (BWP) is stealing pressures time.
I also happen to know, that the person with the attitude will go home to fetch additional documents, or wait an additional week for the processed papers ... however Ms. BWP will go out of her way to not require those same exact documents from the person who'll make her day brighter, compliments her on a new necklace or starts up a conversation about a home country (Or happens to be really I mean REALLY cute/good looking and single - if this field of the application is filled out).

Now, the life in front of the window is a bit less predictive. There maybe the fairy godmother (does not happen very often) sitting on her throne or the evil Witch of the West (no, no not ELvaaaaira:). This position is vulnerable! Now, when you are the person in front of the window always start off with your best behavior ...

Having these clear rules and calculations in my mind I set off to the Social Security Office .. 41th Street and 2nd Avenue. Not too bad .. I thought looking at a line of about 6 people. I leaned against the wall and observed the environment ... How strange! ... the poster on the information board had a huge gun in a circle crossed over ..
No guns allowed? ... I was becoming more aware of my surrounding while wondered the reason for this "No entry for craziees with guns" sign.
I am sure it is a very effective poster .. Next time I'll walk into a Social Security office with my gun I won't forget to check the posters first and subsequently run home, lock it up safely so that I can return again gun- free ..
OOOppsss there is a camera in my bag ... and a no camera sign next to the no guns sign ...

I am looking for the instructions on how to change my postal address ... well, they forgot about this one, didn't they?

Guns ... check
Cameras ... check
Bathroom .. check
Instructions on how to change your address ...... nnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Red buzzer)

Huuge smile, highest pitch voice ....
(I'll love you old miserable lady forever just please warm up to me)
"Helloooo, Good Morning! How are yo today? "
(cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese)

"Gd!"
(One breath answer with teeth touching, she already decided she hates me! I know this attitude! ... She's having a shitty day and does not want to be here ... spiral downwards ... )

"I am here to change my address, because I moved and am having my social security card re-issued. I also changed my name."

"Where are your documents?"

"What documents did you need? I only have my passport and can give you my SS# aaand you made copies of all my documents last time when I was here, surely it's in my file!"

"I am not even going to bother with this!"
(She tosses my passport back through the slot ...)
You have to bring all your documents again!"

"But pretty pleaaase .. I am only here to change my address"
(Does not even look at me, pretends to call the next person on line)

"Ms! I really do not understand why you need my other documents! The last time I was here you complained that you do not understand Russian (my birth certificate is in Slovak) and surely you can find my status in your computer based on my SS number! It is your office that assigned it to me!"

"You have to go and get the documents, it's not my fault that you came unprepared!"

"And it is not my fault either that your office made a mistake and made my birthday in your database 5 months earlier! Theeeen you had the nerve to ask me for a document about the change of my birthday, which does not really change for the obvious reasons ..."
(Well, now that I think about it, I may actually start at the ZERO birthday from 2006 if all goes well and Harry leaves me alone .... I hope he is not like the Syssies I met in the past .. toss them out through the door and come back through the window .... )

Our duel carried on and on until it was just a commotion of women's voices and one of us had to give up ... which I hate to do, but the oversized dreadlocked Queen Latifah guard in her 3 sizes too small suit and 5 sizes too big butt approached me with a scary expression on her face and escorted toward the elevator ...

Two taxis later I was back. When life shuts one window, another one opens ... Right?
My taxi driver was absolutely adorable. A young African guy, Humi from Burkina Faso.
"Where are we going Chief?" (he giggled and checked me out through the front view mirror )
"Social Security Office Commander! 41th and 2nd"
"And how are you today?"
"I thank you for your question, pretty miserable"
(And this is how an ordinary taxi driver becomes an unpaid psychologist/social worker.)

So, I re-iterated my story after which he gave me all the correct responses .. "Aah that is terrible, I hear they are really bad over there, but you'll get it done ... (I don't understand where everyone gets their super sized optimism regarding my person these days ...
"I have cancer" ....
"You'll be fine, but IIII've been hurting my little toe for weeks" ... "Sucker! I have an advice for you too! You'll be fine! ;)

As upset I was about the SS issue, Humi was upset about the perception of Africans in the US. Apparently, he knows a lot about Czechoslovakia and how the Scandinavian countries invaded it once and had a big war and other countries from my part of the world, but Americans don't ... They all think that everyone in Africa is starving and people live in huts ...
"The last time this lady made me so upset .. I turned to her and said: Mademoiselle! I did not walk here from Africa, I flew!



"In an airplane!"


Hihi ...

Back at SS office. "My girlfriend" hides and I step up to a man this time (Well, maybe now I'll do better) I make a point of telling him that I do NOT believe he needs any of these documents ... but VOILA!
He puts my SS number into the computer and informs me that the card was issued YESTERDAY!
"Great, can we change the mailing address now and I am outta here?!"
"No, Miss we can not do it at this stage!"
"hmmm .... oookeeeeyyy .. and what is going to happen now?"
"Well, the card will get to your old address in about two weeks, the post office is instructed NOT to forward such mail, so it will be sent back to Washington DC, they will receive it in about another two weeks, they will then destroy it (now he is milking the situation ... I am visibly bubbling with anger and frustration ...) and you'll be ale to apply for a new card at this office in another two weeks, which is another two months before you get your new card !!
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WHERE IS THAT GUN??????

The poster makes sense!

"Please read this information Dear future Social Security Office customer! In case you'll ever forget your gun that you're not supposed to have with you, please run home ..... you WILL need it! "