A gay day with Misa, Wigs and Mr. Fallic!

Misa - or Mikejla (Hired to be: Top cheerleader; Helper in moving and packing, feeding at times; Listener of all my life myseries - whining included and Boat rower for a sunny afternoon at Central Park on October 20th, 2005 .. Also ... The Mystery person from "Monsson in New York" photo.)




















I ran into Mr. Fallic today .. read on ...








Ms. Chemo 2006 - soon to be crowned ... vote 1800-ChemoIdol
(Lines open once this torture is over - perhaps in March ... )
Which one is the winner?

* * * * * *
Doc. C day again. My last boob enlarging experience and I was half hour late! The closer I live to places I have to go, the later I arrive - seems to be a pattern.

The women sitting in the waiting room look at me like as I would at an alien arriving from outer space. Judging by their looks I do not have a God given right to be sipping coffee at the 10th floor of the plastic surgery kingdom. While Michael Flatly wiggles his tippy-toes on the morning news the two ladies at the corner move their heads together, their lips move, heads separate simultaneously, look at the New York Times and in just a second I catch both staaariiing at meeee..... I can hear their conversation in my head "I can't believe how young she is ... must have had this operation what I had, but I was 50!"

STOP STARING!

The nurse butchered my name just as everyone does in the US "Elvaaaaaayra" she called.
While undressing, my memory replayed the first time I visited this office - a nurse trainee, a lovely Irish lady with a thick accent and another one with a rough edge "don't mess with me" kind came to the office. They took off my bra and dragged the two boob-juice drains out. Could
hardly manage without a scream! As I slowly turned my head I saw my new body part ... not too bad I thought ... then she touched it and I didn't even feel it ....

As my private roller coaster was gaining speed downwards I announced: "I want to die! I WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! Poor little Irish lady (as I found out she was never meant to work here, but got misplaced without knowing that one day she will have to deal with bundles of emotional mess - Moi) .. I could see a tear drop in her eye ....

Today, on the other hand her eyes lit up as I apologized for my drama queen performance that time. "I felt so sad seeing you upset, I lit a candle at Saint Paddy's cathedral for you"
"Theaanks Mother Mary, Joseph and Jeeeessossss"

* * * * * * *

One of my top notch cheerleaders is Misa. I would have made a bet she'd be also running late as always ... just made it! I needed the extra pair of critical eyes to pick out my new head design.
To no surprise did we walk into the salon, where being queer is as much of a requirement from the employee's part as not having hair on the clients. I was lead by Gwen (Thought it was a girl's name?) to a back room and seated behind closed doors.

"Ohh Hello Gwen, this is my professional photographer here .."
(I tried to bring some cheer to the ice cold face ... )

(no luck ... )

"Just peeaaaas do NOT! DO NOT! take picsturesss of meee"
(This wasn't even the cute gay act with a fancy hand wave and the nose up. It was a much more like "f off b*(&&* I am French and have an attitude, this is not a photo shoot! " kind of attitude - as I sensed

It felt vulnerable ... Misa rolled her eyes and gave me a hug ... "I hope she does not blow up .... Gooosssh I'd hate if Elvi made a scene"
(Mischa had no idea - the opinionated taxicabfighterandcustomerservicemonster was on vacation today)

The next sentence was of no comfort either: "Ohhh gooshhh! (high-pitch, hand wave)
"You really AAARE overdue for highlights ... "

Listen buddy! Shut the F up!
A) You work in a hair salon and your hair is not exactly a catalogue cut either
B) I am not, neither is my boyfriend, nor 90% of my friends haidressers as yours are
C) Men's haircuts cost a fraction of what my highlights go for - being it exactly $200 (hope Geoff does not read this part)
D) You're here to compliment me and shower me with lies like "You will look fabulous daaarling! I've never seen a more beautiful chemo patient in my life! You may not even need a wig, your eyes are so gorgeous, they will shine through your bald head like pearls at the bottom of the seas! My boyfriend's head shape is just like yours ... etc. It can not be THAT hard LOVE to make up one of these, can it?

After an uncomfortable quiet Gwen inquired "Are you getting Taxol? Ac? Or both?"

(Do not even pretend knowing anything about breast cancer you you youuu Faaaa Rambo .. I mean Rainbow man! .... !)

"I had chemo 6 months ago, this is the length of my hair now ... "

I seriously wondered for the first second whether this was a salesman talk. Like when you're at the shoe store trying on a pair of boots and the sales clerk exclaims "My girlfriend has the same exact pair! She loves them!" (But this is my original pair, the one I was trying on is in the box! And I hate them! :P)
..... No, he wouldn't lie about this ..... I feel compassionate! FrenchGay attitude justified! ...

6 wigs later, long hair, short hair, blond hair, brown hair, human hair, fake hair - just another fake addition to my body I still can not decide! In most of them I feel like the orthodox Jewish grandma from Brooklyn, in the best one I feel like Red Riding Hood placed her basket on her head waiting to be eaten by the ugly wolf. I got Red Riding Hood one hoping to avoid the wolf and skipped with my partner in crime and top notch cheerleader to Whole Foods across the street.

This is where my day got brighter ... Mr. Fallic stood uninhibited showing off all he had ... We're in the US .. people do not look at penises like European women do .. and so I hesitated for a while whether to open my mouth big or do what I did ... grabbed him by the little something he had to offer and sealed it with a photo .... to the amusement of the average passerby I had no shame ....

Positive cancer experience #5 (PCE) - You loose all your shame! Youppiiieee ... you even grab a statue's penis pull it hard, even think of putting it into your mouth in public and have NO SHAME ;)